"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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