Do you still have your period?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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