so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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