I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
