Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
