I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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