Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
how does that bad decision feel?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize