i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am midnight drunk by noon
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
