as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize