I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
