I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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