I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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