dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize