I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Couch. On fire.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
