We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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