nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
