East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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