Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
