One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
