So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
