he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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