Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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