Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
