I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
