he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
