I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You have to summon your inner elephant
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
