she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
