normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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