saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
this is an emotional support booty call
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
