Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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