Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
