At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
