I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
