i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
