Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
