shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
