I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
