we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
