Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
