i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
