I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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