never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize