dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
