i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize