he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
