I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
