i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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