P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need to align my fucking chakras
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
