i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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