I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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