In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
