the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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