I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
