While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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