his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
