Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
