If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize