You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
