please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
