Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just googled if crying burns calories
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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