This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
