i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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