Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I forget how to act sober
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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