Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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