Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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